Home, and a Shock to the System

After many hours in Cambodia spent fantasising about the many western foods I would eat when I got home (sandwiches, oats, chocolate, cheese), it was somewhat conflicting to find myself ordering noodles at one of the numerous restaurants in Heathrow Terminal 2, mere hours after landing. I can only explain it as a desire to seek the familiar and comforting, a result of time difference confusing me as to whether it was lunch or breakfast (noodles are always available and appropriate), and an easy choice in an overwhelming situation.

In all, the whole experience of coming home has been quite overwhelming. It’s emotional to leave all the other volunteers, whom I’ve spent everyday with, for the last 12 weeks (I keep having dreams about them all), and it’s emotional to see everyone from home again, and realise quite how absent I’ve been (I still don’t really believe Christmas has come and gone).

However, I’ve found the daily lifestyle a little strange to re-adjust to, in a way that I perhaps didn’t expect.

• Overwhelming ability to communicate – Recently I have taken relish in going into shops or similar and asking for what I want…and the information is correctly communicated! The fear of being misunderstood, of being committed to buy something you actually don’t want, the need to rely on other people to accomplish the most basic needs-based tasks: I bought myself some ibuprofen! It was such a victory.
• Overwhelming choice – I’ve found myself almost slightly afraid of deviating from a limited range of food and activities since arriving home. At first, there were so many options, it was a little dazzling. I think that’s where the noodles came in at the airport, and I definitely have been craving the knowledge, and the security, of a bowl of white rice being guaranteed for dinner. The food at home is great, but I’m so used to such a solid, predictable constant, that it is strange to be without it.
• Overwhelming cold – This one was predictable, but is still a struggle. Changing from a rotation of about 6 similar, simple and summery outfits, to wearing the equivalent of all of them at once (and then a coat) is a mental adjustment. I like how fresh the air is here, and seeing my breath for the first time was quite a thrill, but the weather does impact almost everything just from the sheer cold of it.
• Overwhelming amount to talk about – It’s very difficult to answer the question: “How was Cambodia?”. My mind seems incapable of condensing and summarising into an appropriate/satisfactory response. I request specific questions, on specific topics (sometimes motivated by topics from this blog). They are easier to answer, but even then, my thoughts, opinions and actions were in development for the time period, so perhaps even a specific temporal limit would be better. “How was Cambodia on that Monday morning, two weeks before you left?”, or “How was Cambodia regarding tea consumption in Ratanakiri?”.

Perhaps limiting, and perhaps influencing these feelings has been my health. I developed a really bad cold on the flight and have spent the first few days at home being unable to identify whether it’s jet lag or illness that has been sending me to bed at 8pm. Unpacking was a huge physical effort, and I’ve barely seen or spoken to anyone outside of my family, my boyfriend and my cat.

Now recovered, I’m likely to become a lot more social and better prepared to cope with standard conveniences (I was initially very impressed with taps and drinking water when I came back into the country). I might even try and cook some Cambodian food – once I’ve suitably compensated from my recent under-consumption of dairy products.

However, I’m still likely to stock up on noodles at the same time…